Day 13
Today I came home to three people. A man, who loosens screws and operates a mold sucking machine, a woman who watches him do this, and a woman who speaks to the resident of the room, if said resident is around. I am unsure what the last lady's duties would've been had I not shown up. The man removed my vent cover and sucked up all the mold, that could be seen. (The duct, I'm sure goes on for many, many feet of what is unseen) The woman designated to speak to me finally said, "You can lock your door now." I asked if she were leaving, she said, "You can lock your door now," and was gone. I didn't lock it. I wanted to see if she'd somehow know or if there was a reason for her concern like stray werewolves or packs of preying mantis on the loose.
Also today I slutted it up at the library. I have been to many libraries before and have been known to run up and down the aisles, fingering the volumes and laughing. This is what most people do, right? Anyway, after I milled around for quite sometime and after I found the oldest volume on the shelf (an MLA guide from 1895) I played around in the dictionaries. Hidden within the hefty volumes was a jewel of moderate size, it's binding black and lettering the same kind of green that became famous from the Wicked Witch of the West's complexion. The words read, "Wicked Words" by Rawson. I have never had so fantastic a find on only one visit. The book and I stole away together to the quiet recesses of the library.
I flipped into it looking at words like; curmudgeon, geezer, fuck, and the four page entry for cunt. Then I saw the first treasure; monkey. Here's just a snippet of what it said;
"The uninhibited sex life of the monkey also has inspired such phrases as 'lecherous as a monkey' (William Shakespeare, Hamlet, 1601-1602) and 'hot as monkeys'..."
This was a tiny thrill, but it went on:
"The monkey also is a nineteenth century Americanism for the vulva; hence, 'to spank the monkey' is to masturbate. Because of the anatomical meaning, polite people in the Ozarks steer clear of using the phrase, 'monkeyin' around' in mixed company."
I started to chuckle and wonder what exactly was meant by, "mixed company". I continued to flip and came upon:
"Kazoo: The anus or vagina. 'He made this big blow up of her private parts...everybody looking up her old kazoo.' (Bruce Jay Friedman, Steambath, 1972).
That was the actual entry, it went on for a bit and then stated:
"Kazoo usually is associated with the instrument of that name, whose sounds are appreciated mainly by kazoo players."
I smirked and let out a chuckle and then I heard someone near me. "Wicked Words" and I snuck back into the appropriate shelving where I returned my new best friend, making sure to turn it the wrong way to see if anyone messes with it before I come back for a date. Maybe one day I will take my new friend home with me, it's a big step, but I think it could happen.
Speaking of words, today I took special note to the language of native Canadians. The language is quite similar with a few too many "Eh?'s" and "a-boot's" peppered in. While I was sitting in class, listening to the teacher and drawing funny pictograms and making up horrible nicknames for my classmates based on their nametags, I took a log of just how many times "Eh?" was said. Twelve. Then, I had supper tonight with a Canadian who doubled that number in under ten minutes. And, promised me I would be saying, "Eh?" regularly in less than a year. I retaliated by saying it on purpose and he would laugh, but it started to feel natural, even good. Assimilation is a much quicker process than I imagined. If only I had my "Wicked" friend here with me I could learn new and exciting words to try and counteract my Canadian-ness, or at least make fun of Canadians, secretly.
-Canadian Castaway
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