Day 24
I hate nature. That's right, I finally came out and said it, nature sucks. It's fucking everywhere, even at the breakfast table. It's one thing to go out into the wilderness just looking for trouble, but quite another when you're Jack Eggs are invaded by falling seed pods and the maple syrup belongs more to the bees than the humans. All of this outdoors-y business can really piss a girl off, can't we just keep it in the parks. Hey, if we did that then all of the crazed environmental freakoids would just stay in the parks and we wouldn't have to hear them bitch about driving cars or lack of low-flow toilets. Hmm....
Today my favorite green living freak suggested that we walk home from grocery shopping. I groaned and gave in. It was the whole, "it's not a hike" thing all over again. Except, this time, instead of hills we had to navigate broken sidewalks and walk along the woods with people in cars whizzing by, making it to their destinations without having to watch out for spiders and cracks. Lucky, bastards.
We walked on and on, for what seemed like days. She, at least a hundred pounds thinner than I, offered to take the groceries I was carrying. I put up a small hesitation to this, as the groceries were ours to share, and then gave in. It wasn't until we FINALLY could see our residence hall that I realized she looked like a Sherpa from a third world country hauling her entire life in cumbersome sacks and I just looked like the Sherpas demented good-for-nothing, non-bag-toting cow. I begged to carry the bags, she refused and I prayed that no one would notice, but deep down I know that I am useless livestock.
Is it bad when the first thing you do in the morning (even before going to the bathroom) is turn on your computer and pray that during your sleep someone wrote on your wall. Is it bad if you truly believe that if you went without facebooking for more than a couple of hours you'd die a painful internal bleeding-type death? What about quizzes? Isn't it valuable to take the 'What kind of Demented Old Woman Would You Be' quiz? It's called planning for your future, right? Is it so horrible if you follow conversations that your friends are having in their comment sections though you don't know what they are talking about or who they are talking with? Should what you are going to type as your status be something that is fretted over for several hours before you find the perfect words to post it? Would facebook addiction be considered a legit medical condition or would it just be a get a little self control fatty and put down that 19th Oreo-type thing?
The worst part is that I know the truth, I have a MAJOR problem, but the bliss is that I don't care. Why should I? I've got 109 friends.
-Canadian Castaway
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